


How do you accidentally summon Lucifer?

by LittleRoma



Series: Infusion Diaries [13]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Accidentally summoning angels, Crack, Humor, Humour, Shame there aren't two guys who deal with this, periods are nbd, special effort to being this lazy, very first period
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 07:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9872651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRoma/pseuds/LittleRoma
Summary: What if before that first Hallowe'en when the three become friends, Hermione accidently manages to summon Satan?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this prompt floating round on either Tumblr or Pintrest and thought it looked funny, and you see what my mind came up with. My periods only started at about 16, I had had a major operation before, so maybe they were completely slowed down? IDK, I ain't a doctor just a patient.
> 
> This was supposed to go up yesterday, sorry about that.
> 
> [EDIT] Thanks to @Nymue, I've fixed the small problem of Hermione's age, thanks for pointing that out, let me know what you guys think

It was a difficult point in any young girl’s life, starting at a new school, miles away from your family, away from anyone who had ever known you.  Especially when like little Hermione Granger, you found it hard to make new friends, heck even if you had any friends to leave behind.  And Hermione had no friends to leave behind.  When you were socially awkward and preferred spending the vast majority of your time with your nose stuck in a book, learning about new people and far-flung shores.

 

It couldn’t and shouldn’t be Hermione’s fault for wanting to discover all she could about this new world she now found herself in.  Was it ever right to suppress a person’s desire to learn more about the world?  Why was Hermione getting bullied for her natural curiosity?  Maybe part of the whole reason that Hermione was now getting bullied was that it had always felt to her growing up, that some of her friends were found in the pages of well-thumbed books, ready to go with her on adventures to middle earth and even just to share with her tales of the unexpected?  Whatever it was, it wasn’t right.

 

Maybe Hermione had been wrong to try and help one Ronald Weasley, but in her defence, she hadn’t wanted to have her eyes poked out, or to get a black eye and broken nose, certainly not at the end of her second month in her school.  So, yes, she had shown Ron how to use a nice swish and flick movement teaching him to say Wing- _gar_ -dium Levi- _o_ -sa, was it so hard to stress the ‘ _gar’_ sound and the ‘ _o’_ sound?  Was it so difficult for Ronald Weasley to follow simple instructions?  Professor Flitwick wasn’t here to teach for the fun of it; he wasn’t just giving out this advice for his amusement!

 

She would probably always remember overhearing the ginger one complaining “ _It’s no wonder no one can stand her, she’s a nightmare, honestly._ ”  She would probably always remember feeling the tears begin to well in her eyes, but she wasn’t going to start crying, not the first week in a new school.  It hadn’t even appealed to Hermione’s petty side when she heard the ginger one attempt to defend himself by uncomfortably saying “ _She must’ve noticed she’s got no friends._ ”

 

Hermione had run back to Gryffindor Tower, guessing somehow that what her mother had always told her that during that one part of the month, when her female body had torn itself apart from the inside, or at least that was what it felt like.  Her mother had sent her to Hogwarts with a packed up small packet of sanitary towels; she could figure this out.  She was a woman now, after all!  Taking out a few of the pads, Hermione slid them into the inner lining of her school bag and ran into the bathroom, quickly shoving a spare pad into her knickers, already wincing at some of the amount of dark brownish coloured blood staining her cotton knickers.  Pulling her knickers back up, Hermione ran through to the common room, wanting to sit in a private bathroom.

 

Ow!  Were the pads supposed to catch on her short and curlies?  Was it supposed to cause her so much pain?

 

Hermione caught a glance of herself in one of the hanging mirrors as she made her way hurriedly into the bathrooms, she looked all red and blotchy and gross.  Hurrying into a stall and closing the door behind, Hermione pulled down her knickers as she realised that in her apparent rush to get a Pad, in she had put it round the wrong way.  And goddamn it but it was going to hurt pulling it out, biting down on her lip to prevent her from groaning at the pain.  Making a quick decision Hermione pulled the pad down, slowly not wanting to rip it out quickly, causing herself an even greater and frankly unnecessary amount of pain, she wasn’t the type to be in a weird S&M creepy romance type novel.  The things an eleven-year-old girl could learn by reading through her mother’s hidden much-thumbed dog-eared novels.

Turns out the sticky side went on the knickers - huh won't be making that mistake again!  And goddamn it but it was going to hurt pulling it out, biting down on her lip to prevent her from groaning at the pain.  Making a quick decision Hermione pulled the pad down, slowly not wanting to rip it out quickly, causing herself an even greater and frankly unnecessary amount of pain, she wasn’t the type to be in a weird S&M creepy romance type novel.  The things an eleven-year-old girl could learn by reading through her mother’s hidden much-thumbed dog-eared novels.

And goddamn it but it was going to hurt pulling it out, biting down on her lip to prevent her from groaning at the pain.  Making a quick decision Hermione pulled the pad down, slowly not wanting to rip it out quickly, causing herself an even greater and frankly unnecessary amount of pain, she wasn’t the type to be in a weird S&M creepy romance type novel.  The things a twelve-year-old girl could learn by reading through her mother’s hidden much-thumbed dog-eared novels.

 

Not even pausing to look at the weird pattern before she shoved it back into her knickers, pulling her knickers back up, Hermione glanced down at her legs, relieved to find that not a lot of blood had spilt down her legs.  Using a bit of tissue paper to mop up the small amounts of blood, Hermione dumped the small bit of loo roll into the toilet bowl before unlocked the small cubicle door and making her way out to the wash basins.

 

Not noticing the small popping noise as Hermione stood hunched over the sink, obsessively cleaning her hands, watching with a small amount of detached fascination as the water began to turn red.  Whirling round in shock when she heard a throat being cleared behind her.

 

Behind her stood a tall, dark-haired man, wearing a tailored suit, covering his incredibly long limbs.  In the man’s well-tended, manicured hands, he held a single glass of deep reddish coloured liquid, the crystal looking stem poking from one of his hands.  Looking further up the man, Hermione could see that the man was wearing a deep purple coloured shirt with no tie and the top two buttons undone.  Looking at the man’s face, Hermione saw that the man, looked like he didn’t know how to shave, at least beyond the artful use of stubble.  Hermione briefly wondered to herself why it didn’t look like some people believed in shaving.  Ugh, she thought to herself she wondered why men didn’t either let themselves grow out their beard hair or shave it all off.

 

Raising her eyebrow at the man she spoke;

 

“Um, hello, who are you?  I don’t think you should be in here Sir” Hermione tried to remain polite, even in the face of complete and utter confusion.

 

“I don’t know little girl, I was summoned here, actually where is here?” the man smoothly questioned.

 

“Summoned, how could I summon you?” Hermione demand is ignoring the man’s question.

 

“Spill any dead person’s blood over a symbol lately did you?  It’s why I’ve been summoned here, where is here by the way?”

 

“You are at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, what do you mean you don’t know where you are?  Who are you?”

 

“Oh, Hogwarts?  Fabulous, wait of witchcraft and wizardry?  My, things have changed since I was here last.” The man raised a single eyebrow looking at Hermione with a thin veneer of respect “My name little girl is Lucifer Morningstar, and who are you?  And why have you summoned me?”

 

“Hermione Granger sir, pleased to make your acquaintance” Hermione held out a hand as she chirpily greeted the man “like the devil?  Your parents must have been crazy people, what’s that in the cup sir?”

 

“Charmed I’m sure, now how about you let me know why you have summoned me little girl” the ~~man~~ Lucifer looked down at the hand held out towards him ignoring the question once again, wanting to get an answer of his own.

 

“Mr Morningstar, I have told you my name, it’s Hermione Granger sir, why are you here?” Hermione still didn’t understand the question and wanted nothing more than to answer the question with her question, still not understanding completely what was going on.  Was this on drugs or something?  Because he didn’t seem to be sweating and he didn’t seem to be showing any of the typical drug-induced signs of paranoia or irritableness that Hermione’s parent's warnings.

 

“Hmm, I told you, little girl, I was summoned here, I guess by you?  Why did you summon me?”

 

“Sir, you keep saying summon, how could I possibly ‘summon you if I have no idea who or what you are?  Are you even human?” Hermione asked cocking her head to the side, as she watched the man’s eye flare briefly red before becoming sharp as he picked up on what Hermione had said.

 

“Ooh, now that’s a good question, why do you automatically assume that I’m not human?”

 

“It’s because I’m going to this school, there are all kinds of wonderful, magical creatures and constructs, but you look human and yet I don’t know if you are human, so are you human?”

 

Okay, so she was stuck in the female bathrooms, with a male appearing humanoid creature.  Hermione wasn’t about to ask the weird human thing to drop trou or demand to show her his ID, just so she knew how to address him/she/it in her head.  That was rude and anyway it wasn’t how Hermione rolled.

 

Maybe a teacher would come along to check why she had missed class and hadn’t gone to the hospital wing?

 

Though Hermione didn’t think that the wellbeing of students (both physical and mental) was a high cause for concern here at Hogwarts.

 

She was stuck here with this lunatic, think it through Hermione, what could she do next?

 

“No, little girl, I am what is known as an angel of the Lord, fat lot of good that did me, once dear old Dad decided to make love our humanity, once I decided to make my choices he kicked me out, banishing me to the basement.  I had to grow up, feared and hated by Dad’s chosen people, punishing those who had sinned, after a while, I got good at it, even if after a while it got boring, after all, how were you supposed to punish those who liked pain?  No, I preferred to leave it up to my friend Maze.  Now, why did you summon me?” Lucifer tried to respond, becoming all philosophical, before he realised what he was saying, shaking his head as if he was trying to clear an errant fly from his thoughts.

 

Oh yeah, he seemed like a complete lunatic?

 

“You said, you had to use dead blood to ‘summon’ you, didn’t you?  I’m sorry, but I just put in a pad for the first time today.  Though there was a strange pattern on the pad, this is my first time, so I didn’t look too close.  I have no idea how either of us got into this situation, do you have to stay here Mr Morningstar?” Hermione theorised out loud, trying to fight down her first instinct to be polite and helpful to adults.

 

Even if this man was clearly not a man by any stretch of the imagination.

 

“Oh sh—I mean crap, don’t swear little girl, or do it’s none of my concern.  A pad?  Do you mean a sanitary towel?  Damn Loki!  I thought we caught them all.” Lucifer whispered before continuing in a normal speaking tone “Do you do not have anything for me to do, I have a business to run you see?”

 

Hermione watched as Mr Morningstar began to pace agitatedly back and forth while he continued to mutter under his breath about irritating little tricksters who were more trouble that they were worth.  Hermione began to fidget, rubbing her hands together as she tried to think her way out of this current predicament.

 

“No, the wait is this a common problem, unless you can do something about bullies, you can’t can you?”

 

“It’s happened more than you might think, and not all of the people who summoned me were as polite as you.  But no, I can’t do anything about bullies, I usually just smite them, do you want me to smite them?  I can smite them for you, just point them out.”

 

Amusing lunatic yeah, but he did seem to be in full control of all his mental faculties?

 

Even if he did seem to have a worrying predisposition for violence.

 

“NO, sorry, heh no smiting, I want to make some friends here, can you go back to your business, do I need to do anything?” Hermione asked cocking her head to the side.

 

“Whoa, calm down, you humans are all so boring, back in my day there was always a good smiting, and they used to burn your kind at stake.  Quality entertainment” Lucifer mused, looking sideways at Hermione as he fixed the cuffs of his shirt.

 

“You aren’t going to smite me or burn me at stake though right?” Hermione took a nervous step backwards, wondering if she had learned enough magic yet to lock herself in her cubicle because a teacher would come along soon to check why she hadn’t been to class, right?

 

“Oh no, don’t worry, that entertainment was always so banal to me, no need to worry, but just tell me that you don’t need me to do anything for you and I’ll be on my merry way.”

 

“Um, okay, I don’t need you to do anything for me, I’ll see you later Mr Morningstar” Hermione waved at the ‘fallen angel’ as he once again poofed out of existence.

 

Hearing footsteps coming towards her, Hermione quickly turned off the tap, before running back into the stall, it would seem like she had some things to think about.

 

Maybe some of the people she was going to school were complete and utter assholes, but there were more mysteries in the universe to be unlocked, so, for now, she had that little bit of information to chew over.

 

* * *

 

‘Oh damnit’ thought Dumbledore to himself that night as he went to check on the school wards ‘who on Earth could summon Satan to this school?  Why would anyone want to?’

 

Fawkes watched the headmaster with a hint of amusement swimming in the wise black eyes.

 

‘We haven’t had a visit from a fallen Archangel in so long, am I going to have to update the wards to keep out former Archangels?  Nah, I really couldn’t be bother building upon the wards this year, it takes a special level to effort to keep them this low to entice any would be Dark Lords.’

 

Albus made his way to bed grumbling about some of the odder antics his many students had performed, always worth a good laugh.


End file.
